SO.
I just want to be completely honest.
I never wanted to serve a mission.
Missions are not required for girls, so my whole life I figured, why would I do that?
Missions are hard.
They are not vacations.
They are not study abroad.
They are work.
I knew this, and so I just never really wanted to go.
I can remember a primary teacher one time told me:
"You'll make a great missionary!"
and in my brain I was just thinking:
"yea right. I'm not doing that."
It was never that I didn't have a testimony.
Missions are just hard and girls don't have to go. So why would I do something hard?
October 2011 General Conference, President Monson announced that the age for girls to serve missions would change from 21 to 19 years old.
This changed A LOT.
Suddenly, the idea appealed in some way....
But let's be honest. I was what, 16? I was determined that I was going to become a professional dancer one day and my whole brain revolved around how I was going to achieve that. A mission would have definitely gotten in the way....
Through the next three years you may have heard me at one point or another say,
"I am serving a mission!"
Honestly, I was more determined to go to BYU Provo and was terrified I wasn't going to get in.
Going on a mission was going to be my cover up for not getting accepted...
My senior year, however, everything changed. A very serious tragedy struck my community and affected a lot of my close friends from church. Through this trial, though, I learned that the Lord's plan is different from my plan. I learned that sometimes, He needs ME.
For the first time I really felt Him utilize me to bless other people.
I realized that the most important thing I could be doing is what Heavenly Father wants me to do.
I set out to do my best to be Where He wants me, Doing What He wants me to do, at the Time He wants me to do it.
With this came the decision to quit dance. It wasn't that I didn't love it anymore. I was just needed elsewhere. That was more important.
I was then accepted to BYU and then started summer term!
BYU.
There's a lot of stigma that comes with that school....
BYUI do (I go to provo though...)
The shoe factory (they go in single and come out in pairs...lol)
and all the pressure to either go on a mission or get married!
Let me tell you a brief story about me.
My friends were once discussing how they were all "Daddy's girls" or "Momma's girls" and I just didn't really participate because I didn't know what I was!
So the next time I saw my mom, I asked her.
"Was I a "Momma's girl" or a "Daddy's girl"?"
My mother just looked at me with a slight smile and said...
"Um... You were an "Independent"..."
Made perfect sense.
I have never really been someone who follows the crowd. In fact, if everyone else is doing it, it just makes me question it even more.
Hence freshman goal #1:
Do not get engaged or married.
People often asked me throughout my summer and fall term (when I had declared I was not really going to serve a mission) if I ever felt pressured into serving a mission.
Honestly, I can't really tell. Because I don't really pay much attention.
I just do me.
I supported other girls serving missions, and admired them, but like I said before,
The most important thing I could be doing is What Heavenly Father wants me to do, When and Where He wants me to do it.
I wasn't going to be submitting my papers without being 100% assured that a mission is where Heavenly Father wants me.
At that point, I just knew that for Winter, I was wanted in Spain on Study abroad.
(Looking back on it all, I know that how I did school is EXACTLY what He wanted. and It was perfect.)
Christmas Break 2014: This is the in-between time of my first fall semester and me about to leave on study abroad. My a friend of mine from my ward was about to leave for her mission to the Philipines. I was very excited for her, but this obviously brings up the questions for me about whether or not I should serve.
Over Fall term I had prayed about it a lot and received a very strong confirmation that:
"Now is not the time."
And I stuck to that. I politely and politically correctly told everyone just that:
"Maybe one day. But not right now."
I was home for a month people.
Flash forward and I'm in Spain!
The first week in, I have gone to church in Spain, where there are 8 missionaries in our ward!
2 sets of sisters and 2 sets of elders.
For the first time, I felt like I was the same age as the sisters.
That was eye opening.
As was surviving my first week living in a host home in Spain where the only language spoken was Spanish and we were eating Spanish food...
Let's just say, my confidence sky rocketed.
THEN,
because it was our first week, everyone had been trying to get to know each other and one of the topics is,
"What do you want to do with your life?"
Honestly, I had no idea.
That night I was thinking about all of this.
I decided,
"I just want to serve the Lord for a year or two. That would be really great. "
Well Madeleine, that is called a mission. (OHHHHHHHHHH)
Immediately, any weird excuse I had for not serving a mission just melted away and for the first time I felt truly excited about serving a mission. I wanted to complete my papers that night!
So that's how it happened.
